One Year

Here's an excerpt from my personal journal from October 8th, the one year anniversary of my first day as a teacher.

"I felt that I should write something today because this day, October 8, marks the one year anniversary of my first day as a teacher. The only thing I can say is thank God I survived. There have been more than a few times in the last year in which I thought I would not make it (Christmas Carol show week, Districts, States...), so today, I breathe a sigh of relief and hope for a better year."

I ended up not actually writing much because the power was out, which incidentally is why I didn't write it here in the first place. So, a week later, I'll try to flesh it out a little bit.

I still don't feel like a teacher. When people they walk in, they come up to me and ask where the teacher is. But I have an advantage this year over last, my students knew I was the teacher from day one, rather than assumed I was jut another sub. This year, I'm not telling them that I'm only 23 years old, and that I only graduated from college a year and a half ago, and that some of them have siblings older than me. I am acting like I know what I'm talking about (which I generally do), and that I've been doing this for a while.

The biggest difference, though, is the distinct and wonderful absence of worry pangs. Last year I spent half of my time with a dull feeling in my stomach rooted in the fear that I had done something wrong, or that I'd missed something important. I imagine myself as a little puppy trying so incredibly hard to do everything everyone wanted of me, freaking out whenever I fell short. I've been more relaxed this year, and it certainly feels better.

One year...and counting.