Sometimes it Sucks to Be an English Major

One of my roommates popped over the top of the couch today and asked me if I would edit her paper. Sure, why not. I'm an English major, I should put some of these skills to use. Plus, if I'm going to be a teacher, I should probably get into the swing of doing things like editing.

I went upstairs and flopped on to my bed with essay and red pen in hand. I quickly found that I wasn't dealing with an editing problem, I was dealing with a writing problem. My roommate, who happens to be a business major, has never been asked to write a thesis-driven paper. As someone who has been writing at least two thesis-driven papers every semester for the last four years of my life (and probably more), I could not believe that a college junior could not piece together a coherent argument. This sounds like I'm ragging on her doesn't it? Well, that's not what I'm getting at. She is a business major, and as such doesn't have to write this kind of paper. She hasn't sat through countless workshops about writing a good thesis. Honestly, I do not necessarily think the poorly argued essay was her fault. As I read, I recognized that she put considerable time and effort into it, but it lacked unity of thought. She attempted a thesis but produced a weak argument.

This just got me thinking: why, in 15 odd years of education, has no one taught this girl how to write an analytical, thesis-driven essay? I was first introduced to that skill in middle school and had persistent tutelage in the art of the essay throughout high school, and now into college.

What is going on in the education system that basic writing skills whose application reaches far past the confines of English class are not addressed?

And while I'm on my soapbox, why is there such a class as college algebra? I learned algebra in 8th grade. Pull it together, people.

Still at the Desk

Still sitting here 1 hour and 45 minutes after saying I was going to do homework. Not good.

Very bad for study habits: JigZone.
Also very bad for study habits: Facebook. Bad Facebook.

Can't stop listening to: Sufjan Stevens. He's amazing, really. No, really. I seriously can't stop. So great.

I'm really going to study now. Really. Maybe after one more puzzle....

On the Eve of an Uncomfortable Week

I find myself sitting at my desk on a Monday night, looking through the blinds at an uncomfortable week. I had hoped to lessen the pressure by getting stuff done Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Unfortunately, I spent most of Friday writing an essay, letter of intent, and resume for my Teach for America application. Saturday I sat around, played some Nintendo, did some reading, and tried to ignore my stuffy nose and sore throat. Sunday was full of BM shopping and more sitting around due to the feeling like crap. I think being nervous about getting my application in had a lot to do with not being able to focus as well. Ever time I sat down to study, I got antsy and had to get up and do something.

So that puts me here, Monday night, with two hundred pages to read, and seemingly endless notes to go over. Added to that is the knowledge that the class I'm studying for doesn't really matter. In fact, the only thing that is keeping me slightly motivated is the thought that if I do well this semester, I might graduate summa cum laude. But I actually haven't calculated it, so I might not be able to after all. I certainly don't want to lose my magna cum laude, so I will persist in studying at least a little.

Anyway, this week is going to be busy. I have a midterm tomorrow in Organized Crime. I haven't really done any of that reading either. It is mostly lecture, so there's little motivation to keep up on the reading, especially when I have English classes where reading is essential. And speaking of English classes, I have a paper due in Senior Seminar due Thursday. I have yet to actually finish a book for that class. I'm at least half way through with most of them, so I just need to pick one and finish it, come up with an argument, develop a thesis, and write the actual paper. Needless to say, this week is going to be busy. I might be pulling an all-nighter on Wednesday.

In other news, I'm stage managing the play (more like collection of scenes) we're doing in my Theatre Encounters class. I need to get with the director some time Tuesday evening or Wednesday to piece together and finalize a script for class on Thursday so we can begin casting. I'm anticipating a lot of time being spent on this.

On top of everything that needs to be done, I'm a bit sick. I woke up this morning with hard dried mucus in my nose, and I spent much of yesterday coughing. I blame this on my roommate, who has been sick for two weeks. I think I'm getting over it though. Horray for a good immune system and the time to sleep as much as I need to.

Anyway, I'm going to get back to studying, because, let's face it, that's what I should have been doing for the fifteen minutes that I just spent writing this blog post.

Bad Dreams

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that both of my brothers were dead, and I was cooking hamburgers for a bunch of people I didn't know. It was strange. I knew it wasn't real during the dream, but I woke up with this deep ache in my stomach which dissipated when I remember that they are both quite alive and well. And then my cell phone rang and again that something twisted my stomach into a knot. It was my friend calling about Trinidad.

Usually dreams don't stick with me long after I wake up. Even the bad dreams evaporate in the morning sun, but this one stuck with me for some reason. I have snapshots of this dream almost as vivid as if I'd seen them in real life or on TV. There are only a handful of dreams that have stuck with me like that. There's one where I'm late to my own wedding, I show up in pajamas, and I don't recognize the groom; but what girl hasn't had that dream? There's another one where I'm standing on one of the dining room chairs in Virginia and I'm surrounded by snakes (like in Indiana Jones). But I don't remember those grabbing me like that physically, to the point where I feel sick and have a horrible urge to cry. It was strange. Very strange. And why am I cooking hamburgers in this dream?

The Plant Lady

A couple of years ago, I was sitting at my desk when I saw a lady walking past my house dressed in gardening clothes. With her wide brimmed straw hat set back on her forehead, her curly hair poofing out from underneath it, and her grubby kneed sweat pants, she looked distinctly out of place on a college campus. I tried to come up with a reason she would be here at Florida State, walking down my street no less. Maybe she was a sister in some sorority down the street, and she tends the garden now that she's retired and has extra time on her hands. I don't really know.

I saw her again today as I got out of my car, wearing the same straw hat and grubby kneed sweat pants. I still wonder why she was here.

Options

I've been aware for quite some time that within the next few months I will make decisions that will influence the course of my life. No pressure, right? I have several options laid out in front of me, all of which are appealing, all of which have their drawbacks. So, here's me thinking through some of these.

STINTing Somewhere:
This is indubitably one of the coolest options. I would go to some foreign country (maybe Barbados, maybe somewhere else) for a year, perhaps two, and help to build a Campus Crusade for Christ ministry on some campus. How many people can say they've done that? Very very cool. And very very difficult. Talk about having a target on your back. Furthermore, I think I might be a little out of my league. I have this thing with talking (and listening) to people. See, I'm not very good at it (especially the listening). I tend to stutter a lot, and I can't put thoughts together on the fly. I say things which aren't intended to be rude or mean, but come out that way despite my best intentions. I'm flustered easily. Really, it doesn't seem like a good fit. I know, God equips the called, not calls the equipped. But still. I was reading Exodus the other day, the part where God speaks to Moses from the burning bush and Moses is trying to make excuses. Here's what it says (Exodus 4:10-12):

Then Moses said to the Lord, "Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since Thou hast spoken to Thy servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." And the Lord said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him dumb or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?
"Now then go, and I, even I, will be your mouth and teach you what you are to say."

There goes my argument about not being good at talking. But then again, God used Aaron as Moses' mouthpiece. Ah, there is hope for my argument yet! Maybe not. I don't know. Someone please shed some light.

Oh, very big downside: support raising. The whole talking thing comes to mind.

Anyway, on to the next option.

Jesus Film Travel Team
Again, very very cool. I would travel around the world recording the JESUS Film in various languages. Again with the cool, again with the difficult. But think about the number of people that will be exposed to the Gospel with those translations. Wow. Just wow. The traveling and literally seeing the world is a definite plus. Also, I would be doing something that is roughly in my area of study. Granted, I'm a theatre major, not film, but this deals with using art to spread the Gospel. Very cool. That is putting one of my passions (the arts) to use for the glory of God and possibly even seeing tangible results.

Downside: support raising. See above.

Teaching in Orlando
Not very cool. I'd probably be teaching high school English. We've all seen people that do that. It could be fun. It could be absolute torture. But on the plus side, I could live with my parents, which could be fun, or it could be absolute torture (no offence, Mom and Dad, it's just that I'd never know whose socks are whose...). And there is no support raising involved. But I would have to take a test and do the whole emergency certification thing and work towards getting certified. If I ended up at my Alma Mater I could learn to teach under some of the best teachers in Orange County (K-bo!), which would be really cool. But then again, I'd be at my Alma Mater, which has a tendency to smell funny and have extremely cold classrooms.

Downside: it's Orlando, who wants to live there?

Teach for America
It's like the Peace Corps, but not! This obviously has some similarities to Teaching in Orlando, except that instead of being in Orlando I would be in some big city in an urban environment, or way out in the boonies somewhere. Either way, I would be teaching students from low income families who didn't have mommies that read to them every night. It can't be denied that there is a serious need for teachers in the inner city and the like. Someone will fill the position in Orlando.

I had a meeting today with a Teach for America recruiter and the whole time I was thinking, "Wow, that sounds like something I might like to do!" Teaching has been at the back of my mind since I entered college. I remember how K-bo made me love English, and how I learned so much under some of my teachers, and I would love to have that kind of impact on someone else. Teachers are in a uniquely powerful position to effect the next generation for change. I would like to be someone who helped change it for the better. I also found out that one of the places they're sending people is New Orleans, and part of that job is going to be rebuilding as well. I was already thinking of possibly doing that anyway.

Oh, and there's full health benefits, and you get paid, and you can get certified to teach if you so desire, and you could get your Masters.

Downside: It's a hard program to get into. They are looking for leaders. I have doubts as to whether I am what they are looking for or not. The recruiter encouraged me to apply after a 45 minute conversation. But then again, how well can she judge after a 45 minute conversation?

I am again faced with the question "Am I a leader"? I honestly don't know. I'm not one to jump up and say, yes, give me that responsibility, I'll do it. Follow me, I know what to do. I didn't run for class president, I don't lead a Bible study with Crusade. But is that really what a leader is? I've always thought that good leaders must first be servants (I think it's in the Bible somewhere...I'm too tired right now to figure out if it actually is). I've always thought of myself as the horse pulling the plow, not the farmer guiding it (or however that works, I don't really know). I'm not an visionary, but when someone gives me a job, I find a way to do it.

They're also looking for people with perseverance. I made it through IB, does that count?

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There are other options too, I could go to New Orleans and help with the reconstruction efforts, but I haven't really looked into that too much. Or I could hide in my room until Jesus comes back, which is my personal favorite. Is there such a thing as a Protestant Nun? I do look good in black...

Anyway, this is the stuff that has been bouncing around in my head for the last couple of days, and I'm sure it will continue to bounce over the next few weeks. So you could be praying for that, and praying for me as I seek after God's will for my life. Wow, that sounded very spiritual of me. Sometimes I really wish God had just inspired a very long appendix to the Bible that was full of his plans for our lives....and God said, "Laura, thou shalt do Teach for America, write a sickeningly inspirational book about it, become famous, be offered the chance to write the screenplay, and have a cameo in the Oscar winning film version of your life..."

But then again, where would the suspense be?

Spring Break in the Caribbean

Some people may have heard this by now, others not. I'm going to Trinidad and Tobago for Spring Break with Campus Crusade for Christ. I'm pretty excited about this. Well, parts of this. I'm not looking forward to support raising (let's face it, no one does). I'm considering adopting a new support raising strategy. Instead of going back to my parent's mailing list and asking people I don't really know for money, I'd ask people whose numbers are in my phone (so, if I call you in the next month or so, there's probably an ulterior motive). Every time I've gone on a mission trip in the past support raising has been relatively easy; I had only to motivate myself to write a letter and address envelopes. But this time around, since it could possibly be my last time around, I thought I might try to stretch myself, reach outside of my comfort zone.

That actually played a large part in my decision on where to go for spring break, New Orleans being the other option. That would have been the easy option. I went to Pass Christian, Mississippi in October of 2005 (wow, has it been that long?), and frankly, it was comfortable. Yeah, we were sleeping in a church parking lot under a big tent, and yeah, the port-a-potties smelled bad, and yeah, we ate FEMA food the whole time, and yeah, I was covered in dirt from head to toe, but I actually kind of enjoy that stuff (except the port-a-potty). It was easy. I didn't really have to talk to people, and I could swing an axe and that is what I was there for. So going to New Orleans this time around would have been more of the same.

But I didn't want "more of the same". I wanted to give God the chance to stretch me. I wanted the chance to trust God with something because there was no way I could get through it on my own. In New Orleans it would be the strength of my own muscle that propelled my service. In Trinidad there is no way I can rely on my own resources to get anything done.

So I'm nervous about Trinidad. Only adding to that nervousness is the fact that I am the oldest of four girls going on this trip. The oldest. There aren't any staff ladies going this time around. So I'm getting the feeling that Trinidad is going to be a whole lot of me relying on God to get me through it. That's probably a good thing.