Snapshots of a Modest Life

Letting My Thoughts Cook

It's 9:36pm. I have homework to do. I'm not doing it. After spending much of my afternoon reading Big Love over and over, I've decided to take a break and let the play cook in my mind for a while before I attempt to find something in it about which to write a paper. Letting it stew for a while is definately the best thing I could do right now. Earlier this evening I spent half an hour lying flat on my back, my right leg bent at the knee, my left fully extended, my toes playing with the electric chord for my alarm clock, wracking my brain for some way to tie a few thoughts together to at least getting rolling on my paper. I found nothing. Thoughts would fly through my head, and just as a reached out to grab them, they would dissipate, like fog on a sunny day. I'm tired of writing papers for this class. This is the second paper in one week, the fourth over all. There are 9 more to go. Each 1,000 words, each more difficult than the previous.

So I've decided to let it stew in my brain. These things take time. I'm waiting for that "ah hah!!" moment, when everything starts clicking, when everything falls into place. Until that moment comes, I am doomed to continue mulling over the work of Charles L. Mee (Chuck), hoping beyond hope that I will not be up into the wee hours of the morning.

On a completely different note, I've stumbled across a blog by a girl filming a movie in Italy. Seeing as we have somewhat similar choices of profession, I have found her blog interesting. And she's in Italy. Have I mentioned that I want to go to Italy next summer? Well, I do. I've been praying that it is in God's will to send me there. I spent this summer sorting checks for other students who got to travel all over the world for mission trips, and it sparked a desire in me to go too. So I want to go.

This afternoon I took a break from Big Love and lay down on our patio swing. My head propped up on a pillow, I watched the sun filter through the trees on a nearly perfect evening. Nearly perfect only because I still had homework to do. The air was perfect: warm, but not hot; the breeze cool and gentle. I dozed off, my book open on my stomach. I dared to imagine for a moment that I didn't have any responsibilities. The computers all were working perfectly, my essay was finished, printed and in my backpack for the trek to class tomorrow morning. There was nothing I had to do, nowhere I had to be. Then my courage floundered, and I returned to real life: the computers still ran slower than Fat Albert, I still had work to do, my essay was still a cluster of discombobulated thoughts colliding in my grey matter.

Current music: Fiona Apple-Sleep to Dream
"You say love is a hell you cannot bear, and I say give me mine back and then go there, for all I care." Awesome song. You should hear it.