A Rough Day

There are days when ones only recourse is to throw up ones hands and say, "God is in His heaven, and all is right with the world." Today has been such a day, and I have an inkling that this week will be such a week. I feel as though I was punched in the face, kicked in the shins, and another simile which isn't coming to me right now.

I got up this morning knowing that I had a four hour drive in front of me, as well as numerous duties when I got back to Tallahassee. Plus, it's my mom's birthday. I left Orlando two hours behind schedule, and subsequently arrived in Tallahassee two hours behind schedule. I had to go BM shopping alone due to an unfortunate case of chicken pocks, and arrived back at the house just in time to make dinner, getting it done fifteen minutes late. I spent all day being late. That does not bother me though, I'll chalk it up to being on Trini Time. The punch, kick, and other simile came with finding out that I didn't make Teach for America, getting my credit card rejected (I forgot to tell them I was going out of the country, and I was making a $300+ purchase...groceries...will be reimbursed), and getting a somewhat stern talking to from my HR about shopping so late/shopping alone (again I cry: "chicken pocks...it's not my fault!"). Then I spent most of my evening moving across the bathroom to a room of my own, just to add a little stress, or perhaps relieve a little stress, depending on how you look at it. There is really nothing else to be said other than that it was a long day. I would really like to fall into bed and sleep for many hours. Sadly, that is not currently an option.

On the bright side, I think I can finally describe what 'home' feels like. It's not the place where my stuff is, because both Tallahassee and Orlando can claim that. It's not where I sleep every night, it's not the place that I'm driving to all the time, whether I'm going north or south on I-75. It is simply the place where I can feel at peace. Completely at rest. I can't be at peace in Tallahassee; here someone is always asking for my time and energy. At home, I might be asked to do something, but my worth is not contingent on my actions. I realized this on Saturday night as I sat outside the movie theater with my dad and brother waiting for my mom to show up. I flicked a quarter and listened to my brother talk about comic books (graphic novels, hem-hem), and for the first time in a long time, I could just be myself. I was allowed to just sit watching a quarter dance across the table, occasionally chiming in with some snide remark or question about Spiderman. I can't just sit and observe in Tallahassee; people always think there is something wrong if I don't say anything. That is certainly not the case, sometimes I just don't have things to say.

Anyway, that's that. Enough of my complaining and waxing philosophical. One of these days I'll post about Trinidad, but that will have to happen sometime after this week, because it's going to be a busy one.

Oh, I got an A on my Senior Seminar midterm, a bright spot in an otherwise gloomy day.