The Plant Lady

A couple of years ago, I was sitting at my desk when I saw a lady walking past my house dressed in gardening clothes. With her wide brimmed straw hat set back on her forehead, her curly hair poofing out from underneath it, and her grubby kneed sweat pants, she looked distinctly out of place on a college campus. I tried to come up with a reason she would be here at Florida State, walking down my street no less. Maybe she was a sister in some sorority down the street, and she tends the garden now that she's retired and has extra time on her hands. I don't really know.

I saw her again today as I got out of my car, wearing the same straw hat and grubby kneed sweat pants. I still wonder why she was here.

Options

I've been aware for quite some time that within the next few months I will make decisions that will influence the course of my life. No pressure, right? I have several options laid out in front of me, all of which are appealing, all of which have their drawbacks. So, here's me thinking through some of these.

STINTing Somewhere:
This is indubitably one of the coolest options. I would go to some foreign country (maybe Barbados, maybe somewhere else) for a year, perhaps two, and help to build a Campus Crusade for Christ ministry on some campus. How many people can say they've done that? Very very cool. And very very difficult. Talk about having a target on your back. Furthermore, I think I might be a little out of my league. I have this thing with talking (and listening) to people. See, I'm not very good at it (especially the listening). I tend to stutter a lot, and I can't put thoughts together on the fly. I say things which aren't intended to be rude or mean, but come out that way despite my best intentions. I'm flustered easily. Really, it doesn't seem like a good fit. I know, God equips the called, not calls the equipped. But still. I was reading Exodus the other day, the part where God speaks to Moses from the burning bush and Moses is trying to make excuses. Here's what it says (Exodus 4:10-12):

Then Moses said to the Lord, "Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since Thou hast spoken to Thy servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." And the Lord said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him dumb or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?
"Now then go, and I, even I, will be your mouth and teach you what you are to say."

There goes my argument about not being good at talking. But then again, God used Aaron as Moses' mouthpiece. Ah, there is hope for my argument yet! Maybe not. I don't know. Someone please shed some light.

Oh, very big downside: support raising. The whole talking thing comes to mind.

Anyway, on to the next option.

Jesus Film Travel Team
Again, very very cool. I would travel around the world recording the JESUS Film in various languages. Again with the cool, again with the difficult. But think about the number of people that will be exposed to the Gospel with those translations. Wow. Just wow. The traveling and literally seeing the world is a definite plus. Also, I would be doing something that is roughly in my area of study. Granted, I'm a theatre major, not film, but this deals with using art to spread the Gospel. Very cool. That is putting one of my passions (the arts) to use for the glory of God and possibly even seeing tangible results.

Downside: support raising. See above.

Teaching in Orlando
Not very cool. I'd probably be teaching high school English. We've all seen people that do that. It could be fun. It could be absolute torture. But on the plus side, I could live with my parents, which could be fun, or it could be absolute torture (no offence, Mom and Dad, it's just that I'd never know whose socks are whose...). And there is no support raising involved. But I would have to take a test and do the whole emergency certification thing and work towards getting certified. If I ended up at my Alma Mater I could learn to teach under some of the best teachers in Orange County (K-bo!), which would be really cool. But then again, I'd be at my Alma Mater, which has a tendency to smell funny and have extremely cold classrooms.

Downside: it's Orlando, who wants to live there?

Teach for America
It's like the Peace Corps, but not! This obviously has some similarities to Teaching in Orlando, except that instead of being in Orlando I would be in some big city in an urban environment, or way out in the boonies somewhere. Either way, I would be teaching students from low income families who didn't have mommies that read to them every night. It can't be denied that there is a serious need for teachers in the inner city and the like. Someone will fill the position in Orlando.

I had a meeting today with a Teach for America recruiter and the whole time I was thinking, "Wow, that sounds like something I might like to do!" Teaching has been at the back of my mind since I entered college. I remember how K-bo made me love English, and how I learned so much under some of my teachers, and I would love to have that kind of impact on someone else. Teachers are in a uniquely powerful position to effect the next generation for change. I would like to be someone who helped change it for the better. I also found out that one of the places they're sending people is New Orleans, and part of that job is going to be rebuilding as well. I was already thinking of possibly doing that anyway.

Oh, and there's full health benefits, and you get paid, and you can get certified to teach if you so desire, and you could get your Masters.

Downside: It's a hard program to get into. They are looking for leaders. I have doubts as to whether I am what they are looking for or not. The recruiter encouraged me to apply after a 45 minute conversation. But then again, how well can she judge after a 45 minute conversation?

I am again faced with the question "Am I a leader"? I honestly don't know. I'm not one to jump up and say, yes, give me that responsibility, I'll do it. Follow me, I know what to do. I didn't run for class president, I don't lead a Bible study with Crusade. But is that really what a leader is? I've always thought that good leaders must first be servants (I think it's in the Bible somewhere...I'm too tired right now to figure out if it actually is). I've always thought of myself as the horse pulling the plow, not the farmer guiding it (or however that works, I don't really know). I'm not an visionary, but when someone gives me a job, I find a way to do it.

They're also looking for people with perseverance. I made it through IB, does that count?

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There are other options too, I could go to New Orleans and help with the reconstruction efforts, but I haven't really looked into that too much. Or I could hide in my room until Jesus comes back, which is my personal favorite. Is there such a thing as a Protestant Nun? I do look good in black...

Anyway, this is the stuff that has been bouncing around in my head for the last couple of days, and I'm sure it will continue to bounce over the next few weeks. So you could be praying for that, and praying for me as I seek after God's will for my life. Wow, that sounded very spiritual of me. Sometimes I really wish God had just inspired a very long appendix to the Bible that was full of his plans for our lives....and God said, "Laura, thou shalt do Teach for America, write a sickeningly inspirational book about it, become famous, be offered the chance to write the screenplay, and have a cameo in the Oscar winning film version of your life..."

But then again, where would the suspense be?

Spring Break in the Caribbean

Some people may have heard this by now, others not. I'm going to Trinidad and Tobago for Spring Break with Campus Crusade for Christ. I'm pretty excited about this. Well, parts of this. I'm not looking forward to support raising (let's face it, no one does). I'm considering adopting a new support raising strategy. Instead of going back to my parent's mailing list and asking people I don't really know for money, I'd ask people whose numbers are in my phone (so, if I call you in the next month or so, there's probably an ulterior motive). Every time I've gone on a mission trip in the past support raising has been relatively easy; I had only to motivate myself to write a letter and address envelopes. But this time around, since it could possibly be my last time around, I thought I might try to stretch myself, reach outside of my comfort zone.

That actually played a large part in my decision on where to go for spring break, New Orleans being the other option. That would have been the easy option. I went to Pass Christian, Mississippi in October of 2005 (wow, has it been that long?), and frankly, it was comfortable. Yeah, we were sleeping in a church parking lot under a big tent, and yeah, the port-a-potties smelled bad, and yeah, we ate FEMA food the whole time, and yeah, I was covered in dirt from head to toe, but I actually kind of enjoy that stuff (except the port-a-potty). It was easy. I didn't really have to talk to people, and I could swing an axe and that is what I was there for. So going to New Orleans this time around would have been more of the same.

But I didn't want "more of the same". I wanted to give God the chance to stretch me. I wanted the chance to trust God with something because there was no way I could get through it on my own. In New Orleans it would be the strength of my own muscle that propelled my service. In Trinidad there is no way I can rely on my own resources to get anything done.

So I'm nervous about Trinidad. Only adding to that nervousness is the fact that I am the oldest of four girls going on this trip. The oldest. There aren't any staff ladies going this time around. So I'm getting the feeling that Trinidad is going to be a whole lot of me relying on God to get me through it. That's probably a good thing.

All At Once

It has been a really long time since I posted. For now, I'll chalk it up to school, Crusade, IM Soccer, and house stuff all starting at once. The past week has been strangely busy and un-busy. Let me explain. I have classes Tuesdays and Thursdays, with Monday, Wednesday and Fridays off. One would think that those 24 hour periods might be spent doing something productive, but I find myself waking up at noon on those days and lazing about until dinner time. I justify this by saying that I'm recovering from the previous days which overflow with activity. And somehow it always ends up that I get more homework done on the days that are packed than on the days that are completely empty. One would think that after 4 years of IB in high school, and 3.5 years of college that I would be better at time management and self-motivation, yet I remain a college senior on the verge of graduating who can't seem to get her homework done. Proposed solution: get more busy.

Anyway. I'm going to bed now. One element of the "get more busy" plan is waking up at 6 A.M. to go to the gym with C. That and planning excessively extravagant meals for myself to cook. What was I thinking?

Opening Sentences

For the first time in a long time, I'm sitting down to write without having any topic in mind. Over the break I constantly constructed opening sentences for posts in my head. "When did Christmas become just another day?" or "With every day that I work at a desk job, I become more and more convinced that people were meant to work outside." For some reason, I never sat down to actually flesh out those thoughts. Perhaps it was the death of a friend, or simply laziness and an absence of the desire to do something productive--it was Christmas after all. The Nintendo Wii probably had something to do with it as well. Whatever the case, I didn't write (or read, for that matter) as much as I had intended. Now that the semester has started and I have a pile of books to read that is no less than one and a half feet tall, I doubt I will get to read what I wanted to read or write over Christmas vacation.

And now for some random thoughts.
The O on my keyboard feels funny, like there's something under it.
I hope they don't deposit my house bill check until financial aid comes in.
Books this semester were obscenely expensive (>$315). Thank goodness for Bright Futures and generous old ladies.
I'm pretty sure my Theatre Encounters professor is a feminist. Book list includes:

• Caryl Churchill- "Top Girls"
• Suzan-Lori Parks - "The America Play"
• Paula Vogel - "How I Learned to Drive"
• Lillian Hellman - "The Children's Hour"
• Theresa Rebeck - "The Family of Mann"
• Eve Ensler - "The Good Body"
  
• Alice Childress - "Wedding Band"

That will be...fun...
My bathroom smells funny. Always.
The distance from Tallahassee to Orlando makes a big difference temperature wise. Current temperature in Tallahassee: 59 degrees Fahrenheit. Current temperature in Orlando: 72 degrees Fahrenheit.
You can't make everyone happy.
I enjoy solitude.
Having a video games at school is weird (enjoyable, but weird).

I guess this post requires some explanation. Matt Beard was my neighbor at school, he lived in the Rotary Scholarship House, and I live next door. I met Matt in Fall of 2004 when ADK-Rotary relations began to blossom and we actually spent some time with each other. Since that semester Matt and I were on friendly terms. We would say "hi" to each other as we passed on campus. I got to know him a little better this last semester when I spent more time with the boys next door. Most of the time I saw him he was studying for something in the dining room. I would throw darts and we'd chat about whatever. We were not close, but I counted him among my friends.

Shortly before Christmas he was in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. The injuries sustained in the collision put him into a coma. He died last Friday.