Solitude

I've been living alone for several weeks now. Part of me says, this is amazing. I get to sit around at home and do whatever I want: play piano at 11PM (well, I'd do that anyway, just not as loud), watch The Simpsons while eating a dinner of cottage cheese and apple sauce, read without interruption anywhere in the house, or blast my music at 7:30 in the morning when I'm making my lunch. And I like driving myself to work in utter silence, or listening to a podcast on my iPod, or the radio instead of thirty minutes of political drivel, or "I'll tell you what," or "that's what I'm saying," or "weelll, looks like it'll rain today" (my internal reaction: no shit, Sherlock, it's central Florida in the summer). I used to get these pounding headaches at work that wouldn't go away until I went to sleep, but I haven't had one since I started driving myself. Maybe it's to do with being on my own schedule, or just not having to listen to the inevitably painful conversation in the carpool. I hate the carpool. All this to say, it's been nice, and I've found myself in a better mood for almost a month now.

The downside to being alone is I don't ever see anyone outside of work. Let's face it, I'm not what one might call a social butterfly. I don't make friends quickly. I can count on my two hands the number of people I met in college with whom I hope to stay in touch. That is not an exaggeration. My friends from home have continued on with their lives, moving on to other states or countries (or are already there). I hesitate to search for new friends since I don't know what this next year will look like, and people are hard work. They suck the life out of me.

So, it appears that I'm alone down here. I haven't spent an evening away from home for two weeks. In that time I have retreated into my books, imagining myself a part of worlds that will never exist outside of the imagination. It seems like I'm happier there, lost in my thoughts.

As for the work situation, I haven't heard from them yet. With every passing day the shadow of doubt grows in my mind. Two weeks ago I was hopeful, now I'm just frustrated. So much for making a decision soon.